Hulk knocked the EFF out in press conference

SYDNEY - Wrestling great Hulk Hogan came out worse off in a bloody brawl with rival Ric Flair at a promotional press conference in Sydney yesterday.

The event at Star City Casino, to promote the Hulkamania wrestling tour later this month, veered violently out of control. However with wrestling a form of "entertainment" is must be questioned if the fight was legitimate and not staged.

Hulk and ring rival Ric Flair let their animosity break into what appeared to be a full-scale bloody brawl. Media was shocked as Hogan began bleeding profusely from the head and was unable to get to his feet.

It was a dramatic twist as the event had started well with the stars professionally discussing their careers and plans. Photographers stood in horror as Ric Flair used his trouser belt to whip anyone within range. The Daily Telegraph reports one photographer had equipment broken when Flair threw a table off the stage and into the press before diving onto photographers.

The Hulkamania tour hits Sydney's Acer Arena on November 28th.

One for the pensioners

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.

Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and said, "Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?"

He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi turd. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tyres.

So my wife called him a shit-head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Personally, we didn't care. We came into town by bus. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age.

When I was an idiot

I had barely sat down when I heard a voice from the next toilet saying:
"Hi, how are you?"

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the restroom, but I don't know what got into me, so I answer, somewhat embarrassed:
"I am doing just fine!"

Then the other guy says:
"So what are you up to?"

What kind of question is that? I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say:
"Uhhh, I'm just like you, nature dictates!"

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can, but nature hadn’t let go as yet, when I hear another question:
"Can I come over?"

Gosh... whaaaat!? This question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I say:
"No... you know I am busy right now, I guess you are busy too!"

Then I hear him say nervously:
"Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the next toilet who keeps answering all my questions."

The Revolution has failed, but we will televise it anyway

Listening around, I don’t hear lots of buzz about Big Brother Africa 4. Have you heard anyone mention a favourite housemate in passing? Or something someone in the house said?

Is it the annoying voice of Big Brother who turns out to be Big Sister and sounds more like a strict school matron than anyone you'd want to confide in? (Was this the "revolution" promised?) Is it the new robotic host from Nigeria who’s about as interesting as watching paint dry? Was it the ridiculous decision to have a house filled just with men in the first week? Or was it because in their quest to have a "revolution" they forgot the basics?

First of all, allowing housemates to conspire about nominations ensures that that's ALL they talk about. All the bloody time! So and so nominated me, so and so has an alliance, so and so may leave on Sunday... Come on now, talk about something, anything else!

Secondly, and this one took some time to register because it's so discouraging… they scrapped shower hour! Why, pray tell? The show is rated 18 and is on cable television, what’s the problem? Wasn’t that really the whole point of Big Brother? No place to hide? If a show ever had a hook, then shower hour is to Big Brother what bad singing is to Idols... aren’t the auditions the funniest part of the show?

Think about past BBAs. Weren’t people thrown off the show depending on how much, or how little, they chose to reveal during the highly rated hour? Remember Bruna, the gorgeous talented Angolan singer who was evicted because of showering in a bikini? It seems that Africa wanted to see more. Gaetano made it all the way to the last three and I’m pretty sure that it had a lot to do with shower hour. He is legendary because of winning the genetic lottery, if you know what I mean. Talking of which, a little bird told me that the Nigerians are to be blamed for the scrapping of shower hour. And it seems they were rewarded with 3 slots in the show as penance for exposing them to that brand of "immorality".

Reality shows are known for different things. Fear Factor is like the name suggests. On this show, the rule of thumb is the more slippery, slimy and disgusting it is, the higher the chances that it will be served up for dinner. Watching people eat creepy crawlies really works for some people, apparently.

The Apprentice is best known for its famous host. Let’s face it: Without Donald Trump, there is no Apprentice. Martha Stewart gave it a go and it was a total flop. Trump fell out with her after she said his show is a hit because of him and that she could never hope to match his success. He even trademarked his famous line, "You’re fired!" Arrogant, but so true.

Back at the ranch, did you watch The Apprentice: Africa a couple years ago? It was the saddest thing to ever make it on television. Please don’t do that to us again!

Yes, every show has its selling point. America’s Next Top Model would lose its spark without Tyra Banks, and what's Idols without Simon Cowell? And true to cycle, I suspect that as Big Brother Africa winds down, we're set for another serving of that old comedy show, Idols Africa...

Gen. Kazini killed in domestic spat

KAMPALA - Former Ugandan Army Commander, Major General James Kazini, died in the early hours of Tuesday morning after a domestic incident.





He died after his girlfriend allegedly hit him with an iron bar.

Family and security sources say General Kazini was killed at the woman’s home in Namuwongo, a Kampala suburb on 8th Street, Industrial Area. The girlfriend has been arrested and taken for questioning at Kampala Central Police Station. Mourners, among them military officers and relatives, arrived at the Namuwongo home as the shocking news spread.

The country is preparing for the burial later on Tuesday of Vice President Prof. Gilbert Bukenya’s son, Bryan, who died at the weekend after suffering serious head injuries in a car accident.

Major General Kazini’s body had not been removed by 8.00 a.m. Senior Police detectives arrived shortly after to take notes and examine the crime scene. A large crowd gathered outside the home.

Further details regarding the incident have not been released by the police. Lt. Col. Felix Kulayigye, the army Spokesman, says the former commander, who was facing trial for various alleged offences, was a "victim of domestic violence."

He had, among others, been accused of creating the 409 brigade in West Nile allegedly to topple President Museveni's government. He is reputed for fighting the Allied Democratic Forces rebel group in western Uganda as well as the Lord’s Resistance Army in northern part of the country. The United Nations later named him as one of the Ugandan military officers that pillaged the Democratic Republic of Congo resources during 1997 - 2003 invasion.

The butcher of Naivasha

Can somebody please ensure that Tom Cholmondeley never comes near a gun again? If not for the poor residents of Naivasha, who currently serve as shooting practice for the aristocrat, then surely for his own sake.

Next time he gets himself into trouble, it won’t be another five-month joyride in Kamiti or an easy prison life playing with computers. Not even a nolle prosequi from Smiling Wako will save him, I suspect.

Despite the aristocratic airs he projected in court, it’s impossible since his trial to erase a sense that he is a phony, at least going by the way he very deliberately tried to fix blame on the Njoya killing to a very close friend of his, rally driver Carl Tundo.

We're up against more than we care to think

When Johnnie Carson was announcing that Amos "Smiling" Wako was the latest victim of their visa bans, he commented that the official frequently travelled overseas on "business and pleasure".

The pleasure bit was amusing, but probably unnecessary. It brought to mind images of a blissful Wako rollicking across Western capitals consorting at night with gorgeous women as glasses of wine flowed.

On a less pleasurable note, many Kenyans—especially those in government—have come to the puzzled realisation that having a "kinsman" in the White House may not be a great idea after all. For some reason, Barack Obama is determined to show Kenya his meanest face possible.

I believe he wants to do this to counter any notion in Kenya and at home that he is going to play favourites with Kenya merely because he has a family connection with our country. He comes across as being absolutely unyielding on this. The need for domestic reforms is, therefore, something he has seized on handily.

Granted, he is a political animal who has no wish to see this success soiled by the genocidal tendencies of his father's homeland. In today's wired world, whatever happens here will be instantly relayed globally. Questions will be asked far and wide on what he is doing about it.

Let’s face it: a lot of Americans are uneasy with their President’s African roots. For Obama, that is bad enough without having his fellow Americans see on television pictures of Kenya as a country where people chop off their neighbours' heads with pangas during (stolen) elections.

The usual “strategic” reasons that are cited as to why Kenya must not fail certainly have their validity. Yet for Obama personally, such a failure would no doubt affect him in a different way than it would careerists like Johnnie Carson and Michael Ranneberger who have no particular attachment to Kenya and who should not be expected to care either way how we fare.

To compound our problem, the youthful President displays an odd messianism that is unsettling even to some Americans. He dreams of changing the world, and fast. And he is spot-on is on the state of our top leadership, or rather, the lack of it.

Fortunately or unfortunately, Obama has hit the global stage at a time when Kenya is at its most vulnerable, burdened with a hopelessly weak leadership that, in a very short time, has done unparalleled damage to our country’s sense of self-worth.

Obama’s own assessment seems to tell him that unless this leadership is pulled by its ears, there will be worse trouble ahead for this country. The iconic status he believes he enjoys with Kenyans leaves him in no mood to defer to our wretched whining about sovereignty.

If, indeed, it is true that he has held meetings in Washington centred on Kenya with one Luis Moreno Ocampo, then we could be up against a lot more than we care to think.

Still, I know what it means when the raw power of the office he occupies is brought to bear. No country is immune, not even Britain, which likes to describe itself as America’s best friend. Britain’s old oppressive policies in Northern Ireland have had to be overhauled under pressure from a succession of US presidents with Irish roots, starting with J.F. Kennedy and on to Ronald Reagan and Bill Clinton. If anything, Kenya has a far weaker hand to play than Britain.

UPDF role in Uganda's 2011 elections clarified

KAMPALA - The army will only be involved in the 2011 general elections to provide security, the Government has said.

The Minister for Information and National Guidance, Kabakumba Masiko, yesterday said reports that the NRM was plotting to use the army in the 2011 election were wrong. "The NRM is not planning any unconstitutional use of the army in the 2011 elections," Kabakumba said during a press conference at the Media Centre in Kampala. She said the Government would meet its constitutional mandate of providing a good environment for peaceful, free and fair elections.

Kabakumba added that the army would be involved where it is called upon to keep law and order. "It must be emphasised that the army offers supplementary support to the Uganda Police in maintaining security," she said.

The Cabinet, she added, had approved most of the reforms proposed to amend the Electoral Commission Act, Presidential Elections Act, the Parliamentary Elections Act and the Political Party and Organisation Act. She noted that this was an indication that the Government wants a free and fair election in 2011.

The minister also asked the media to help in shaping the public attitude towards the army, saying it is a public institution that has been professionalised to respect civil rule and consolidate good governance. Kabakumba also defended the closure of some radio stations.

She blamed them for inciting violence and coordinating riots that took place in Buganda in September. "This means that they violated the terms upon which they were set up and licensed to broadcast," Kabakumba said. She said the critics of the Government should also point out the mistakes of the radios.

Central Broadcasting Service (CBS FM) and Ssubi FM remain closed much as the management of Ssubi on Wednesday apologised for airing comments that could have incited violence. Kabakumba cautioned the media against abusing their freedom.

A gold digger creeps out of the woodwork... in Shenzhen!

He is younger with sports close-cropped hair and a gold stud in his left earlobe, but the slim build, the loping gait and the high-set cheekbones give him a striking resemblance to his more famous half brother, President Obama.

Mark Okoth Obama Ndesandjo, a 43-year-old businessman and musician, has lived in southern China for seven years, the last one assiduously attempting to avoid publicity. But he broke his silence Wednesday, making a public appearance to publicize an autobiographical novel.

The self-published "Nairobi to Shenzhen" follows Ndesandjo's peripatetic life. He was born in Kenya to Barack Obama Sr., the president's father, and his third wife, Ruth Ndesandjo, the daughter of Jewish Lithuanian immigrants. The couple later divorced and Ndesandjo moved to the United States, earning degrees in physics from Brown University and Stanford and an MBA from Emory University.

He was married last year to a Chinese woman from Henan province.

As with the president's best-selling memoir, "Dreams From My Father," Ndesandjo's book delves into growing up as a mixed-race child and into a psyche shaped by an erratic father. "My father beat my mother and my father beat me," Ndesandjo told the Associated Press in an interview released Wednesday. "I remember situations when I was growing up, and there would be a light coming from our living room, and I could hear thuds and screams, and my father's voice and my mother shouting."

At a news conference in Guangzhou, organized by the U.S. Chamber of Commerce for Southern China, Ndesandjo said it took a long time for him to become "proud to be an Obama."

Mark Okoth Obama Ndesandjo says he wrote his autobiographical novel in part to exorcise the bad memories of his childhood and his violent father

He said he wrote the book in part to exorcise the bad memories of his childhood and to publicize the issue of domestic violence. He said he plans to donate 15% of the proceeds from the book (published by Aventine Press, a self-publishing firm based in San Diego) to a charity for children.

Since moving to China in 2002, Ndesandjo has worked as a business consultant in Shenzhen. He also is a partner with a Chinese friend in a small chain of restaurants called Cabin BBQ. A classical and jazz pianist, Ndesandjo also volunteers as a piano teacher in an orphanage. In his only other public appearance since the U.S. election, he gave a charity concert in January to raise money for orphans, playing a selection that sampled a variety of artists, such as Chopin and Fats Waller.

Although most guests knew of his family connection, he did not use the Obama name on the promotional posters, only the surname Ndesandjo, taken from his mother's second husband. He reportedly has turned down offers from Chinese companies to be a product spokesman.

The Chinese press has lavished Ndesandjo with praise for his modesty as well as his fluent spoken and written Chinese. "Mark is very smart and multitalented," wrote one state news agency.

Although strictly autobiographical, the novel skips over the part where the protagonist's half brother is elected president of the United States. "I didn't want to take on any strong political themes in this book," Ndesandjo said. His mention of the president: "I think my brother's team is doing an extraordinary job."

Barack Obama Sr. died in 1982 and the half brothers did not know each other as children. They have met a few times, including the inauguration, which Ndesandjo attended. He said he expects to meet the president during his trip to China this month and to introduce him to his wife. He also expressed a willingness to pass on some advice gleaned from seven years in China. "I would encourage not only my brother President Obama, but also American people, [to understand] that China is about family. Family is always a recurrent theme here," he said.

Smiling Wako is no longer smiling

Kenya's Attorney General Amos Wako has signalled his intention to sue the United States for defamation.

Mr Wako said that he had "received notification that my visa has been revoked for blocking reforms," more than a week after the US Assistant Secretary for African Affairs Jonnie Carson said his country had banned a senior Kenya Government official for blocking reforms.

Mr Carson, however, withheld the name of the banned official only saying he was of "influence" and his duties required extensive travel.

Addressing a news conference at his Sheria House office on Wednesday, Mr Wako said the ban due to "engaging in corrupt actions which have adversely affected the national interests of the United States of America," were off the mark and amounted to defaming him.

The AG said that he will seek legal redress in the US adding: "I will take the fight there."

"Although I am totally indifferent to the revocation of the visa and I have absolutely no desire to visit the United States of America, nevertheless; in view of the reasons given, which are defamatory, it is my intention to seek legal advice with a view to institute legal proceedings in the US," said Mr Wako.

He dismissed claims that he was an obstacle to reforms saying that he had overseen changes in the country including the transition from a one-party state to a fully fledged multi-party democracy.

He said that he has always "kept the fire of reforms within government" adding that he was an "adviser and not a decision maker."

He added: "During the period, I initiated an ambitious Legal Reform Programme by appointing over 17 Task Forces which resulted in re-drafting of many areas of law resulted in many legislations which have already been enacted."

"The enacted legislations have all enhanced democracy, the Rule of law, Human Rights, Transparency and Accountability."

He rejected notions that he had obstructed reforms under Agenda 4 saying that "if anything he had facilitated the said agenda."

"I am pleased to state that only yesterday (Tuesday), as a member of the Task Force on Police Reforms we handed over the Report of the Task Force to the President and the Prime Minister. I am particularly delighted and proud that as a member of the Committee of Experts, we have more or less finalised the drafting of the harmonised new Constitution."

He posed: "Are these the activities of a man who is accused of being anti-reform?"

He questioned Mr Carson's expectation on the AG to "successfully investigate and prosecute" Anglo Leasing-type cases when America's security agencies including the Federal Bureau of Investigations (FBI) cannot do so because of "the law in the US to secure the cooperation of key suspects and /or witnesses in the Anglo Leasing-type cases."

Mr Wako was categorical that his office was not among those earmarked for reforms during the Serena Talks that yielded Agenda 4 listing them as: police, parliamentary, judicial and civil service reform. "The target on individuals and the Office of the Attorney General is therefore an American or foreign agenda and not part of our own Agenda 4," he said.

He concluded that the visa revocation was not done in "good faith in support of Agenda 4 reforms, which I, as Attorney General, and as a patriotic Kenyan, a proud African and simply as a human being, I am totally committed to playing my role to ensure that the Agenda 4 reforms are achieved and realised."

Speculation had been rife that Mr Wako was the latest US target, after Mr Carson's announcement coming on the back on US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton's Kenya visit, where she impressed upon the Kenya leadership to push for reforms. She is understood to have said told Kenya's principals- President Kibaki and Prime Minister Raila Odinga- that changes were required in the police, judiciary and the State Law Office.

Former Police Commissioner Major General Hussein Ali has since been transferred to the post office while Chief Justice Evans Gicheru remains in office. "For 15 years, grand corruption has reigned such as Anglo Leasing but not one top officer has been found guilty. Millions of dollars that could have been used to build schools have disappeared and the Attorney-General and the Judiciary are responsible," Mr Carson said at the time.

Then, Foreign minister Moses Wetangula dismissed the US action as "megaphone diplomacy."

Mr Wako has served for a record 18 years since he was appointed AG by former President Moi in 1991. He has been widely criticised for his handling of cases involving corruption. The infamous Goldenberg and Anglo Leasing scandals, where the government lost billions of taxpayers' money, occurred during his watch. The cases have never been successfully prosecuted.

Only recently, he entered nolle prosequi in a case involving outlawed Mungiki sect leader Maina Njenga. Mr Njenga was accused of killing 29 people in Mathira, Central Kenya in a revenge Mungiki attack earlier in the year.