Monday, November 26, 2007

The tribulations of one Stanley Livondo, aka Mr. Moneybags

The ECK last week declined to accept Mr. Stanley Livondo's Direct Nomination for Lang'ata Constituency by PNU after he failed the Language Proficiency Test administered by ECK last week.

The flamboyant rookie politician, who only a month ago was arrested on suspision of murder after the fatal shooting of a youth during a public meeting he had attended in Western Kenya, is said to have dropped out of school in Standard Six and can hardly construct a sentence in English or Kiswahili, let alone pronounce words like "categorically" and "ashamedly".

Unbeknownst to Livondo, Kenya 's electoral rules require that Parliamentary candidates pass Oral & Written Language Proficiency Test.

Similarly, thousands of PNU supporters from Central Kenya were reportedly disenfranchised after the ECK declared that 20,000 newly registered voters in Lang'ata had committed the electoral fraud of double registeration.

"I Sdanley Lifondo teclare here totay my inderest in te seat for te memper of barliamend for Kipera. I plech to remufu one Raila Otinka from his currendi stanting as MB in tis gonstichuensy," piped Livondo.

Members of the Press had to remind Mr. Livondo that the constituency is called Langata, and not Kibera.

More reports filtering in indicate that Stanley Livondo attempted to have the ECK approve his candidature on the strength of marks he scored in an English Composition that he wrote in the twilight of Standard six at Bukhungu Tay & Poarding Primary School.

Mr. Livondo is set to hold a press conference at Inzogu Bar & Restaurant, where it is rumoured that he will use the opportunity to showcase his Standard Six Composition and accuse his main opponent of "Priping" the ECK, even as he moves to "tuck" the "ECK Pullet".

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