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Where the Hell is Moses Kuria?

It seems Moses Kuria, the man of many portfolios, embarked on a whirlwind adventure through the halls of government, only to find himself in a comedic conundrum. Starting off strong as the Cabinet Secretary for Investments, Trade, and Industry, he was the talk of the town. But alas, fate had other plans. In a twist fit for a sitcom, Kuria found himself shuffled over to the Public Service portfolio faster than you can say "bureaucratic shuffle". Then, the plot thickened! In a classic case of diplomatic drama, the US Trade Representative, Katherine Tai, decided to give Kuria a cold shoulder after cancelling not one, but two meetings with him. The reason? His "foul mouth". Oh, the irony! It seems even the most seasoned politicians can't escape the wrath of a sharp tongue. Since then, Kuria has seemingly vanished into thin air, keeping a low profile that would make even Bigfoot jealous. Rumour has it he's taken up residence in a cozy cave somewhere, pondering th
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Raila clinches Lang'ata!

It is no surprise that Raila Amolo Odinga is the MP elect of Lang'ata Constituency. He garnered 59,416 votes and in his wake he left his closest challenger, Stanley Livondo of PNU, aka Mr. Moneybags, with 23,919 votes and Stella Mbai of ODM-K 1,342 votes.

There was initial speculation locally and internationally that Raila Odinga would lose the parliamentary seat, and therefore be lawfully disqualified from assuming the presidency which requires that the president must first be elected as an MP. This was the solo brief to Mr. Moneybags Livondo: ensure that Raila does not capture Lang'ata. It seems Livondo will now have to account for the "campaign" funds he recieved from Kibaki and his Kikuyu mafia. credit to Livondo, though: he decided to invest the money in a state-of-the-art Hummer.

Presidential results at time of publication show that Raila is steadily widening the gap as media tallying show that Raila is at 2.9m votes against the incumbent's 1.9m, while Kalonzo is trailing a distant third with 279,000 votes. It seems Kibaki is destined to make a distinction as the first one-term incumbent in Africa to be voted out of office.
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