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Where the Hell is Moses Kuria?

It seems Moses Kuria, the man of many portfolios, embarked on a whirlwind adventure through the halls of government, only to find himself in a comedic conundrum. Starting off strong as the Cabinet Secretary for Investments, Trade, and Industry, he was the talk of the town. But alas, fate had other plans. In a twist fit for a sitcom, Kuria found himself shuffled over to the Public Service portfolio faster than you can say "bureaucratic shuffle". Then, the plot thickened! In a classic case of diplomatic drama, the US Trade Representative, Katherine Tai, decided to give Kuria a cold shoulder after cancelling not one, but two meetings with him. The reason? His "foul mouth". Oh, the irony! It seems even the most seasoned politicians can't escape the wrath of a sharp tongue. Since then, Kuria has seemingly vanished into thin air, keeping a low profile that would make even Bigfoot jealous. Rumour has it he's taken up residence in a cozy cave somewhere, pondering th
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SIASA DUNI EXCLUSIVE: NSIS Leak - Kibaki was FORCED and rushed into a swearing ceremony by Mount Kenya MAFIA in a meeting chaired by Michuki

Sources privy to goings-on at and top officials of NSIS confirm that while Kibaki wanted to call a press conference to concede defeat after 90% of the votes were in, 48hrs after the election, an emergency meeting chaired by John Michuki and seconded by Kipyator Nicholas arap Kiprono Biwott and Lucy Kibaki at the Michuki-owned Windsor Golf and Country Club, saw Biwott and Daniel arap Moi threaten to cut Kibaki loose and leave him to fight his own battles, as that they would flee Kenya to Mauritania if he did not elbow his way back to State House.

This reportedly irked Michuki to the point that he removed a packet of Emabssy Kings from his pocket and, in front of their new found bed partners from Rift Valley and madame Lucyfer Wambui, proceeded to light one. After a long and contemplative pull on the tobacco roll, Michuki said they should leave everything to him.

A mobile call (with the caller identity withheld) was then made to one Samwel Kivuitu, informing him that wazee wa nchi (elders of the nation) had decided that he should promptly announce Kibaki the winner or else leave Kenya with immediate effect. For his "small" part, he was offered Kshs. 242 million (US$3.8 million), which he accepted, and the post of Kenyan ambassadeur to Botswana, affective March 2008, which he also accepted.

Now we all know why he did it.
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