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Sunday, October 26, 2008

Some Sunday morning funnies

Complex.com carried this interview with Tracy Morgan that is just too funny... had to share it. Enjoy your Sunday, will you?

IT DOESN’T GET MORE EXTROVERTED THAN TRACY MORGAN. Just months after being bound by an alcohol-monitoring ankle bracelet, the 40-year-old 30 Rock star seems looser than ever, drink or no drink. Morgan’s weekly antics on the hit sitcom are about as predictable as a vice-presidential candidate selection; when the SNL alum is in his comedic zone, he’s as much crazy as he is crazy funny. But Morgan’s passion for real-life issues—politics, sobriety and bitches—shows signs of maturation. As he prepares for his busy year, he gave Complex a glimpse into his past (trust us, Prince’s house parties will never be the same) and present. Stay tuned for the best show in America.

Q: You’re supporting Obama. What’s going to happen if McCain wins?
Tracy Morgan:
I’m leaving the country. Nothing’s gonna change. That’s the whole thing with Barack and McCain. I’m not just voting for Barack because he’s black. I’m voting for Barack because of his vision. He ain’t just for black people; he’s for all Americans. He’s like Wonder Mike: the red and brown, to the purple and yellow! McCain wants things to stay the same. The same fucked-up way it’s been here for 500 years. So, I’m for a change. I just hope Barack cares if he does win.

What's the difference between the phone calls Barack gets at 3 A.M. and the ones McCain gets?
McCain’s not getting any calls at 3 A.M. His medicine kicks in at 8! Ain’t he got geriatrics or some shit like that? He’s an old man! He has to be in the bed by 9. His room smells like Ben-Gay, medicine and pussy.

Who’s the coolest politician the U.S. has ever had?
Barack! Easily! Ain’t no other president had the crowd laughing and all that. Dude has charisma, he’s got the looks and he’s a cool dude—all the young girls want him! They all want to have his baby. Big pimpin’! No females want McCain, only his wife. Son is getting skin cut off his face and all kind of shit, man. You see how his arms look? He looks like Teddy Ruxpin.

Was there any backlash to your “Black is the new president, bitch!” line on Saturday Night Live?
Why would there be a backlash? Why black people got to be ashamed because we want a black president? He’s winning it fair and square. Bush was the one who fixed the votes over in Florida. Why wasn’t there a backlash when Tina Fey said what she said?

Maybe it was more about the "bitch" part…
The bitch part? You don’t think there are bitches out there? That was to all the bitches. All the women and the ladies, I wasn’t talking to them. But that was for the bitches. “Bitches” don’t mean women—“bitches” mean bitches! A bitch is a bitch! And it isn’t just the women. I know some bitch-ass motherfuckers! You know who killed Tupac and Biggie? A bunch of bitches! You know who killed Martin Luther King? A bitch! Whoever did it, you’re a bitch! You know who killed Bruce Lee? A bitch! You know who Satan is? He’s a bitch!

For a while, besides Chris Rock and Eddie Murphy, there was this curse of the black SNL member not getting work after the show; you avoided that.
I’ve been told that before, and I feel flattered and I’m honored, but it’s hard to follow after Eddie. Good Times had gone off. Sanford & Son had gone off. Eddie was the blackest thing on TV. I just say that I had an edge. I came from the hood. They had never seen anything like me. So, if there was a black curse and I did break the curse, I hope it stays broken for other black people coming up behind me. But I have to pay homage to Ellen Cleghorne, Chris Rock and Tim Meadows. If it wasn’t for them, I wouldn’t have got a shot.

You’re turning 40 in November. With Jay-Z saying 30’s the new 20, do you think 40’s the new 30?
That’s bullshit! 40 is 40. I feel every bit of it, goddamnit. People say shit and then other people reinforce that bullshit. I’ll get out here and do some 20-year-old shit and fuck around and break something! I used to have a serious handle—when I was 20. Now I’m 40! I ain’t getting out there on the court and twisting my ankle so I can’t go to 30 Rock. If my ankle gets twisted, my cash flow stops. I’m not going through a midlife crisis just because I like beautiful women. Motherfucker turn 40 and he don’t like young women, then he’s going through a crisis.

You’re sober now, but you’ve had a history with alcohol. What’s the craziest thing that happened to you when you were drinking heavily?
When I was wilding? I got kicked out of Prince’s house. The last time he won a Grammy, we went to the pre-Grammy party. Free booze all night. Prince had his band in the living room. Everybody left the house except for me and my boy. It was 6 o’clock, 7 o’clock in the morning, the sun was coming up, and we were still drinking. And Prince and his wife were at the door in their pajamas and said, “Come on, Tracy, you’ve got to go.” And I was gay for about five seconds because he’s a pretty motherfucker. If Prince was a woman, I would go down on him. All the way down. Swell his vagina lips up.

[Laughs.] Before your divorce, you were with your high school sweetheart for 20 years. How hard was it to stay faithful?
Shit was hard, but I stayed faithful. No women ever took me from my wife. Alcohol took me from my wife. Partying took me from my wife. She just got sick of the drinking and stuff. Once a woman is fed up, there ain’t much you can do about love. I hope to get married again. And I’m going to correct all the mistakes I made with her in my new marriage. Who knows? She may come back to me. My door’s always open.

How’s the dating scene now?
Horrendous! I keep meeting fucking golddiggers. It’s one thing if you’re broke, and the female loves you and helps you struggle to get where you want to go. It’s easy to love somebody when they’re there already. I haven’t been on the dating scene for 21 years. I don’t think I’ll ever find real love out there. When I met my wife, it wasn’t about love and money; we were happy with just love. My woman was good with money. She wanted to always put something away for the rainy day and things like that. I was the one spending. Now a chick want to spend all my money up—and then give me a hassle when I want my dick sucked! Right now I’m doing my thing, and there’s nobody that’s slowing me down. I’m moving at 100 miles per hour. If you can’t keep up, you got babies and you got problems, that shit going to slow you down. I don’t need it. I’m trying to tell my friends, man, I got 99 problems but a bitch ain’t going to be one.

Are you still getting dragged by your friends to the strip clubs?
I haven’t been to a strip club in three or four years. I don’t do that shit no more. When I was a child, I thought like a child, I spoke like a child, and I acted like a child. I don’t want to sit down and watch other women. I’ll tell my [next] wife to get on the bed and put big draws on and throw $400 dollars at her—then take the money back and go food shopping.

You’re playing a character named "Busta Nut" in Deep in the Valley next year. How would you feel if that nickname stuck?
I don’t want anything to stick on me. A character’s a character for that moment. You didn’t call Richard Pryor “Mudbone.” You called him Richard Pryor. That’s respect. You’re not going to put “Busta Nut” on my star on the Walk of Fame in Hollywood. You’re going to put “Tracy Morgan” on. That’s what my mother and father named me. When I’m in the street and people go, “Yo!” or “Hey!” I don’t respond to that. If you know me you’re going to say, “Yo Tray! Tracy Morgan! Tray Bag!” That’s when I respond. “Tray Morg!” That’s how my peoples call me. “Caligula!” “Big-Dick Tracy!”

Caligula?
He was Caesar of Rome. Stuck a fucking ring in somebody’s ass! He would have orgies all day. Caligula!

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