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Where the Hell is Moses Kuria?

It seems Moses Kuria, the man of many portfolios, embarked on a whirlwind adventure through the halls of government, only to find himself in a comedic conundrum. Starting off strong as the Cabinet Secretary for Investments, Trade, and Industry, he was the talk of the town. But alas, fate had other plans. In a twist fit for a sitcom, Kuria found himself shuffled over to the Public Service portfolio faster than you can say "bureaucratic shuffle". Then, the plot thickened! In a classic case of diplomatic drama, the US Trade Representative, Katherine Tai, decided to give Kuria a cold shoulder after cancelling not one, but two meetings with him. The reason? His "foul mouth". Oh, the irony! It seems even the most seasoned politicians can't escape the wrath of a sharp tongue. Since then, Kuria has seemingly vanished into thin air, keeping a low profile that would make even Bigfoot jealous. Rumour has it he's taken up residence in a cozy cave somewhere, pondering th

Babies having babies? Only in the UK!

The girlfriend of Alfie Patten yesterday rubbished claims the 13-year-old did not father her baby, insisting: “There has been no one else.”

Tearful schoolgirl Chantelle Steadman hit out as TWO other youngsters bragged THEY could be the dads of newborn Maisie. Chantelle, 15, said as she was comforted by the pint-size schoolboy: “I love Alfie. I lost my virginity to him. “We decided to start a physical relationship because we love each other. There has been no one else. He gets very jealous when I talk to other boys and I don’t like him talking to other girls.” Alfie, who looks only eight and was just 12 when Chantelle told him she was pregnant, insisted about the claims: “Other stupid boys are lying.”

The teeny parents — whose story shocked Britain when it was exclusively revealed in The Sun — spoke out after Richard Goodsell, 16, and Tyler Barker, 14, each claimed they bedded Chantelle. Both the lads live on the Old Town estate in Eastbourne, East Sussex, where Maisie was conceived. Chantelle, who still wears school uniform, said: “Cruel things have been said but I am just trying to look after my baby and ignore them.”

Besotted
She told how she was besotted with 4ft Alfie, declaring: “We share looking after Maisie and do everything together like husband and wife. He has looked after me so well. He has held my hand and rubbed my back. We can’t stand being away from each other. He gets upset when he is away from Maisie and me.”

Her mum Penny, 38, blasted the claims her daughter slept around as “horrible”. She said: “I have never seen her so upset. To know that people are saying things like that about her is destroying her.”

She told how Chantelle’s room was tiny with a “very small bed that you wouldn’t really call a single”. Penny said: “No one stayed over in it.” She claimed the family had no idea Chantelle was even having sex with Alfie. The mum said: “I spoke to them both one night and asked, ‘Are you sleeping together?’ Their reply was, ‘No’. We had no reason not to believe them. I didn’t even know Chantelle was on the Pill! When I found out I was furious with our family doctor that he had not told me.”

A back room of the three-bed council house has now been converted into a bedroom for Chantelle and Maisie — who was yesterday surrounded by pink balloons and cuddly toys including a pink teddy. A total of six children plus the baby live in the house — also home to two dogs, a cat and budgerigars.

Alfie lives with his family in nearby Hailsham — where his estranged dad Dennis, 45, yesterday turned up hiding his face behind a devil mask. Alfie insisted: “I am the only boyfriend Chantelle’s had — and we’ve been together for two years. “I must be the dad.” Vowing to take a DNA test to prove it, he declared: “When she found out she was having a baby, I asked her, ‘Am I the dad?’ She went, ‘Yeah’. So I believe her. I didn’t know about DNA tests before — but mum explained it’s when they do a swab in your mouth and it tells you if you’re the dad. So, if I have that, they can all shut up. But I don’t really care what people say.”

Tyler Barker — the 14-year-old who claims Maisie is his — said: “It was routine for boys to stay over with Chantelle in her bed. But I only slept with her the once.” Locals heard his gleeful brother Jake, 17, running up and down the street outside their council house after Maisie was born. He was yelling: “My brother’s sh***** Chantelle. He could be the dad.”

Meanwhile trainee chef Richard Goodsell, 16, said he and Chantelle had sex at least three times. The teenager, whose 35-year-old mother Barbie Jayne claims to have twice bared her soul on TV’s Trisha, insisted: “My friends tell me the baby has my eyes — even my mum thinks so.”

The boys said other teenagers on the estate could also be the father. Eastbourne District Council, whose social workers are monitoring the under-age family, said: “Any birth to parents this young is a cause of great concern to us.”

But Chantelle’s mum scoffed: “No one has been to see Chantelle or Maisie since the birth.”

Close family friend Rob Burns, 27 — whose wife Olivia was Chantelle’s birthing partner — accused officials of not doing enough for the couple. He said: “There is a baby stuck in the middle of all of this. The family are pulling together for Chantelle. But social services have offered no support.”

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