Friday, July 22, 2011

Not Another African Genocide!

Scenes from the mass demonstration protesting poor governance, shortage of fuel, Forex, unemployment, high prices and taxes in Malawi on Tuesday, 19th July 2011. Notice the vehicles of the DPP ruling party of president Dr. Bingu Wa Mutharika, running roughshod with young men carrying machetes, clubs and other weapons of mass destruction without any interruption from the police.

A Luo Love Letter

Dear Jaber,

I have excellently juxtaposed myself at my favourite corner at this juncture, this opportune time to narrate to you the status of my emotional condison and the posison of my heart vis-a-viz my lovely lady.

Atoti! It has been exactly two years, twenty three days, four hours and seven minutes from the day that my sight landed unavoidingly on your well endowed external outline. In all this time my feelings have surpassed everything to become true love. My love for you Nyako has grown deeper than the still waters of NAM-LOLWE the place where NYAMGODHO fished out the love of his life.

Nyathijomoko! As I write to you I am smiling, thinking of your beauty for which I have always thanked God. The day I met you, that your beauty struck me like lightening as my body felt weak and my heart skipped a beat. Speaking of God, I must admit that he must have held CONSULTATIONS with me albeit in my dreams because he created you in the very same way I have always described the woman of my dreams. Physically endowed, full chest, beautiful and big brown eyes, White teeth like CHA-CHIEW!

YAYE NYADUNDO! You are the love of my life, the reason of my being, the very essence of my existence. NYAR JO MWANDU! You enrich my life with your ever present and beautiful smile. You are my wealth and with you in my life the likes of BILL GATES and CARLOS SLIM are below my average. Baby you are the answer to all my questions, in fact with you, I have more answers than questions. You are the DOT in my email address and the only number on my mailing box. Sweetheart! you have made my life superliciously outstanding and because of you I have become the subject of envy to men like OBAMA, CLINTON, MANDELA and even JAKOM RAILA himself.

RAPUDO! When I first set my eyes on you I knew I wanted to be your slave. To run far and long, day and night for your heart more than KIPCHOGE KEINO could ever run for the GOLD. NYARJOKAOCHA! My love for you has grown exponentially and multi-purposely in all this time. I love you more than an OKUYU loves MBECHA; I value you more than a MAASAI values his CATTLE; I adore you more than a LUHYA adores his UGALI,CHICKEN and TEA; I want you more than RAILA wants to be PRESIDENT and I will always defend you more than a MERU would ever defend his MIRAA.

I luv you mang’eny.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Approved Terms and Conditions of Service for the Chairperson and Members of the Commission for Implementation of the Constitution (CIC)

Who is telling the truth? You be the judge.

Do you like the song 'Nwa Baby Ashawo' by Flavour?

If you're a fan of the song Nwa Baby Ashawo by Flavour, then the first thing you probably know is that you're not peculiar. The song has taken Africans by storm, and is receiving massive airplay in clubs and radio stations across most of the cities I have visited in East Africa.

If you thought you'd had enough, and escape home for some peace and quiet, think again; it's all over TV as well. So what is it with this song? Why is it so popular? And why can't we seem to get away from it? Well, the first clue really lies in the lyrics. Sample them below and tell me what you think...

Nwa baby, nye me fege (7x) – Baby Girl give me your vagina
Nwa baby, o kwa Nabania  - baby Girl, is this night u will give me
I don hammer no be small, now it's 
time to chop moneySomebody say Nabania – someone say it will happen this night
Na takwa ne fe omo wania – please lest chop money and enjoy
See the girls them plenty
Waka waka baby (oh yeah), wuru – walk about baby
Wuru baby (oh yeah) -
I go tell my mama, (oh yeah) I go – l will tell my mama
Tell my papa (oh yeah) - l will tell my Papa
And I go tell am say (oh yeah) - and l will tell them say
You be waka waka baby (oh yeah) – you are walk about Girl
You be wuru wuru baby (oh yeah) – you are cheating me Girl
Corner corner baby (oh yeah)
Sango sango baby (oh yeah) – you are not straight forward girl
Para rara baby (oh yeah) – l don’t really trust you baby
Oh baby sawaley -  Baby open the vagina for me to enter
Sawa sawa sawaley (2x) Open, Open, Open, 
Ashawo - Harlot
Kpokpotom kpomkpom, kporokotom  - it means nothing but just sound
Kpomkpom (2x)
Kpakolo kpa (3x), kpomkpom
Ojari kpokpo, ukwu nwa baby – Woman Vagina, Woman waist
Achukwu rege, kpom kpom – Shake ur waist, shake it well
Ashawo, awusha – Prostitute - Harlot
Awusha, ashawo – Prostitute - Harlot
Ashawo, awusha, kpom kpom
Eh eh eh eh eh eh, kpom kpom
Oh baby Sawaley
Sawa Sawa Sawaley (2x)
Nwa baby, nye me fege (7x) – Baby Girl give me your Vagina (7X)
Nwa baby, wa Nabania – Baby girl you will give it to me this night
Na soso walka I come dey go – all the time l move about
Everywhere I go, anai ti fe  - anywhere l go, l eat money, also eat Woman vagina
All my guys where una dey – all my friends that are there
From here to saloon hotel – we all move from hair Saloon to Hotel
See the girls them plenty – we see so many girls
Waka waka baby (oh yeah), wuru – they all moving around us, but they all are fake
Wuru baby (oh yeah)
I go tell my mama, (oh yeah) I go
Tell my papa (oh yeah)
And I go tell am say (oh yeah) 
You be waka waka baby (oh yeah)You be wuru wuru baby (oh yeah) –
Corner corner baby (oh yeah)
Sango sango baby (oh yeah)
Para rara baby (oh yeah)
Oh baby sawaley
Sawa sawa sawaley (2x)
Kpokpotom kpomkpom, kporokotom kpomkpom (2x)
Kpakolo kpa (3x), kpomkpom
Ojari kpokpo, ukwu nwa baby
Achukwu rege, kpom kpom
Ashawo, awusha
Awusha, ashawo
Ashawo, awusha, kpom kpom
Eh eh eh eh eh eh, kpom kpom
Oh baby Sawa lele
Sawa Sawa Sawale (2x)
Ala de no de, no de - there are different types of female breast
Ala ala de no de, de no de, Ala, we know they there are different types of breast
Ema na ala de no de, no de
Ala ala de no de, de no de, Ala
Ala mama - if the female breast is fine
Wera kagi ji de a ala - l will hold it with my hand
Ala mama - if the breast is fine and standing
Wero noge me jaya ala – l will use my mouth and suck it

Monday, July 18, 2011

Guess Who's Back + A Curious Clause in the proposed Anti Corruption Bill

Good afternoon, fellow Siasa Duni enthusiasts.

I have recently sojourned to visit the land of my ancestors, and ended up taking a complete road trip around East Africa. In my travels, I noticed a few things I had never paid attention to before, and some completely new ones left me a bit gobsmacked. For example, I found that you can walk right through the border at Busia into Kenya without as much as anyone asking for your papers, and continue with your life. The reverse is not true for entry into Uganda and Rwanda. These guys take security rather seriously. Is it a surprise then that acts of terrorism are more rampant in Kenya than they are in other neighbouring countries?

I also found that the road transport situation in Nairobi is greatly and vastly improved. You should've seen the look on my face when I landed smack in the middle of Waiyaki Way by cover of night. Kangemi was virtually unrecognisable! Then there were all those trees lining up the road, most noticeably on Moi Avenue. Museum Roundabout was a pleasant surprise, although it is now a one-way, and can no longer be accessed from the 'Bubbles' side. The same applies to several other roads, and it seems the Kampala model of unilaterally turning perfectly functioning two-way roads into one-ways has been adopted. In all, Nairobi roads offer a stunningly pleasant drive, and Mombasa Road is way up there for your 130KPH driving experiment.

So, there we have it: the score is Kenya 1-1Uganda, by way of road network and border security, respectively. Then there was the small matter of spending an entire night in the cold of Elburgon on account of a broken fuel injector. Hint: carry something very warm next you're in Elburgon. And if it's worth anything, forget Akamba Public Road Services Ltd. (Connecting East Africa) in the past where it belongs. It's not worth your tears.

Ok, enough about myself. I'm currently reading the final draft of the Independent Ethics and Anti-Corruption Commission Bill, 2011, and I must say I'm more than pleasantly surprised. Also in the grapevine is that the CIC has handed said Bill to the Cabinet. The most immediately striking aspect of this Bill is that it will hand to P.L.O Lumumba unprecedented power, and will certainly be a shot in KACC's arm. But one curious clause sticks out like a sore thumb: "The Commission may, in undertaking investigations, intercept or tap communication." 

This got me thinking, and my question for you is: Do you agree that the government should tap or intercept communication in an effort to combat corruption? Please let us know.

If you haven't read the Independent Ethics and Anti-Corruption Commission Bill, 2011, please send an empty e-mail titled IEACC Bill PDF to and I'll dispatch a copy to you as quickly as I can.