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Where the Hell is Moses Kuria?

It seems Moses Kuria, the man of many portfolios, embarked on a whirlwind adventure through the halls of government, only to find himself in a comedic conundrum. Starting off strong as the Cabinet Secretary for Investments, Trade, and Industry, he was the talk of the town. But alas, fate had other plans. In a twist fit for a sitcom, Kuria found himself shuffled over to the Public Service portfolio faster than you can say "bureaucratic shuffle". Then, the plot thickened! In a classic case of diplomatic drama, the US Trade Representative, Katherine Tai, decided to give Kuria a cold shoulder after cancelling not one, but two meetings with him. The reason? His "foul mouth". Oh, the irony! It seems even the most seasoned politicians can't escape the wrath of a sharp tongue. Since then, Kuria has seemingly vanished into thin air, keeping a low profile that would make even Bigfoot jealous. Rumour has it he's taken up residence in a cozy cave somewhere, pondering th

Imanyara forced to recite Uhuru slogan

Illustration courtesy of the fine chaps at FunKenya.com
Police apparently have not started investigating allegations by Imenti Central MP Gitobu Imanyara that he was forced out of his car to pledge allegiance to deputy Prime Minister Uhuru Kenyatta.

Nairobi deputy provincial police boss Moses Ombati said Imanyara had yet to report the incident so police would find it difficult to give a comprehensive report to Parliament. MPs have demanded an explanation after Imanyara made a personal statement.

 Imanyara told MPs that he drove home along State House Crescent between 11.30pm and midnight on Tuesday night. “I saw a saloon car parked in the middle of the road as if it had stalled. I slowed down. Three young men accosted me and inquired if I was Gitobu Imanyara. I answered in the affirmative. They then told another person seated in the saloon car 'he is the one' in Kikuyu,” he narrated.

They asked the MP to surrender his gun and switch off the engine of his car. The MP did not have a gun and they asked him to step out of his car. The group then reportedly forced the MP to kneel down facing Mount Kenya, with a machete behind his head, and ordered him to shout three times "Uhuru tuko pamoja" (Uhuru we are together). They then told the MP not to attend the Limuru 2B meeting and not to accompany Prime Minister Raila Odinga to Meru. “The Limuru meeting that they didn’t want me to attend is the one I learnt was cancelled by the police,” Imanyara said.

A meeting at Landmark Hotel took place where some of us were identified as people who are not toeing the line... that our balls will be removed... meaning I will be eliminated physically. ~ Gitobu Imanyara

"They also told him to stop accompanying the Prime Minister when he goes to Meru. He was informed that if he does not heed their instructions they will cut of his head and that of his son, and take it to his wife," said a friend of Imanyara. Gitobu claimed his life is in danger and accused Uhuru of "compartmentalizing the country into voting blocs". The MP made the claim in Parliament as he sought an Internal Security ministerial statement on the incident.

Uhuru's spokesman, Munyori Buku, dismissed Imanyara's reference to Uhuru. He linked Imanyara's allegations to last week's claim by ODM chief whip Jakoyo Midiwo of a plot to assassinate Prime Minister Raila Odinga. "Don't you find this peculiar? Jakoyo Midiwo at a funeral. Now Imanyara on a live parliamentary session! These are the antics of a cabal of leaders who have lost direction and are facing defeat in the face. Now that Kenyans have laughed off Midiwo's allegations, Imanyara and the criminal elements he has been hobnobbing with have joined the shamelessly executed movie as the supporting cast," stated Buku. Uhuru together with Eldoret North MP William Ruto, Foreign Affairs Minister Sam Ongeri and President Kibaki's private secretary Nick Wanjohi have recorded statements with police on Midiwo's murder claim. Assistant Internal Security minister Orwa Ojode has ordered the police to swiftly investigate the matter.

However police have said that Imanyara had not yet reported the incident. "We expected that Mheshimiwa would have reported such an incident to the police. Even if he was scared and traumatized as we understand he would be, he should have just called from his house and officers would have been sent to pursue the case and make a follow up. These people threatened his life. Why he did not report it beats logic," said Deputy Nairobi area provincial police boss Moses Ombati. The deputy PPO said that it would be difficult for police to give a comprehensive report to parliament without a statement or description of the perpetrators and their vehicle. Deputy Speaker Farah Maalim set Wednesday next week as the deadline for a ministerial statement "to allay the fears of the MPs."

"This is not a laughing matter. It is neither humour nor comedy. Security affects Kenyans and their leaders," said Maalim. Imanyara claimed that he was among MPs who were identified for elimination for not "toeing the line" just two days after the Gema meeting in Limuru last month. "A meeting at Landmark Hotel took place where some of us were identified as people who are not toeing the line... that our balls will be removed... meaning I will be eliminated physically,” he said.

He warned that he will not be intimidated into supporting “any particular candidate” insisting that he will work hard to ensure the constitution is implemented to the full. He also demanded an assurance from the government that measures will be taken to assure Kenyans their lives are secure including others targeted for elimination at Landmark Hotel.

The German and French ambassadors, Margit Hellwig-Bötte and Etienne de Poncins, released a statement that "they are deeply concerned about these events and express sympathy for Mr. Imanyara." Both ambassadors are calling upon the police to investigate the incident with due diligence.

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