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Where the Hell is Moses Kuria?

It seems Moses Kuria, the man of many portfolios, embarked on a whirlwind adventure through the halls of government, only to find himself in a comedic conundrum. Starting off strong as the Cabinet Secretary for Investments, Trade, and Industry, he was the talk of the town. But alas, fate had other plans. In a twist fit for a sitcom, Kuria found himself shuffled over to the Public Service portfolio faster than you can say "bureaucratic shuffle". Then, the plot thickened! In a classic case of diplomatic drama, the US Trade Representative, Katherine Tai, decided to give Kuria a cold shoulder after cancelling not one, but two meetings with him. The reason? His "foul mouth". Oh, the irony! It seems even the most seasoned politicians can't escape the wrath of a sharp tongue. Since then, Kuria has seemingly vanished into thin air, keeping a low profile that would make even Bigfoot jealous. Rumour has it he's taken up residence in a cozy cave somewhere, pondering th

Uhuru Kenyatta Is Preparing An Altar For The Blood Sacrifice Of His Blindly Faithful Kumirans.


GUEST POST

The Kumirans who want to die for Uhuru should just register with State House and we finish with that story. Some of us are tired of living under a siege mentality. What this President is doing is preparing an altar for blood sacrifice.

Uhuru is blackmailing home guards of other ethnic groups with a slice of the unnecessary and overrated Kikuyu vote.

The genuine Kumirans must refuse to keep going to polling booths terrorized by a strange fruit, swinging on the trees, blood on the leaves and  blood at the roots.

We have forgotten 2008. The events leading up to today's vote in the Senate on Revenue Allocation Bill are the same as those that happened in 2005. We are planting seeds of hatred and anti-Kikuyuism.

It is exactly 2 years to elections.....and we are repeating the events that led up to the 2007/8 mayhem. Someone tell me this is not a script being followed to the letter! 

Something is wrong with us.

I refuse to be that person who, after people are killed, I accept and move on. That's a curse!

THIS IS WHAT WILL HAPPEN GOING FORWARD:

1. Uhuru will continue to incite the rest of Kenya against kumirans until August 2022. He has already started. We are already seeing Facebook posts saying "kwani Kikuyus think they own Kenya?" Kumirans should not be fooled. This is what Uhuru wants.

2. Home Guards from other ethnic groups will be incited to kill kumirans.

3. Uhuru will rig the election in his favor.

4. He will let kumirans be killed for a month with pangas, while he will send cops to Rift Valley to kill other tribes with bullets.

It's crucial that kumirans are killed with pangas because it revives the trauma of the emergency years leading up to independence. This was his father's modus operandi. Bullets are for the urban people, and it will make kumirans think of extrajudicial killings instead of the Emergency and Mau Mau "terrorists." Plus bullets don't symbolize the rural areas where the majority are.

The plan is to make the outside world especially the Americans and the EU call us savages who can't do democracy and who have "age old hatreds," unless Kikuyus are cut up! Pangas are part of the story. It has to look the part in the international press.

5. NGOs will start singing human rights, and the now quiet academics will start cancelling each other in the name of us not being objective in our silly morning and evening talk shows hosted by our clueless hosts led by Jeff Koinange. 

We'll be told that despite our "middle income" status, the bush hasn't come out of us Africans. We're not used to democracy, but at least we're better than other African countries. Complete house negro bullshit which Kenyan elites will celebrate. Especially elites from GEMA.

6. Uhuru will be sworn in, in his toilet at 11:59 pm, a second before the expiry of the deadline.

7. At the UN Security Council, and at WTO if Amina Mohammed wins, Uhuru's newly sworn in GoK will play the victim of the main opposition leader (it might be his former handshake buddy, but you never know). Now you understand why Kenya fought so hard to win that seat at the UN. It's all part of the plan. Tumepangiwa kupangiwa na wengine wenyu wanaimba patriotism apa!

8. Kumirans, realizing they are on their own, will seek money from the Kikuyu robber barons to protect themselves. Just like in 2008. 

9. When profits of Brookside start to drop, suddenly politicians are at Serena drinking tea and negotiating. The American embassy will be there promising to deny visas to the politicians who don't accept the deal.

10. More Kenyans will be dead, no justice for them, Uhuru gets the post he always wanted, and his rival becomes a limping horse. And then the cycle starts again for 2032. Before 2032, Uhuru will have groomed one of his kids to become president.

I don't know about kumirans, but I'm not dying for Ngina's son. Heck no. And bookmark this post. It if does happen, my blood is on that family to the tenth generation, and on the kumirans who vote for him.

And no ritual should be done to cleanse them off my curse. The only cleansing they can do is demand that Uhuru gives all his wealth to the Republic of Kenya and follows Jesus or Mohammed. I refuse to be lynched for that family again. I'm tired!

A strange phenomenon that is happening in Mt. Kenya is that the clergy is now in charge of GEMA. Their hands are dipped in blood.

Kumira elites have no shame. They sacrifice the lives of their own tribe. Na matiri thoni.

If you Kikuyus think we can escape this mess via BBI, the right laws or the right IEBC commissioners, you're fools! 

This plan has nothing to do with the law or IEBC or technology. It's about stories. These politicians and their wazungu godfathers are creating a story where we Kenyans look like tribalist savages, and because of that, the world lets Uhuru and Raila get what they want.  Who wants to deal with the dark continent, anyway? 
So you're a fool for supporting BBI. 

But the ultimate stupidity is not even supporting BBI. It's defending those two or three families that think they got the title deed for Kenya. Hatujaelewa vile those three families i.e. the Kenyattas, the Mois and the Odingas, control Kenya.

Uhuru is whipping up Kenyans' emotions against Kumirans, so the bloc can vote for him for protection. Kumirans have always been a pawn for the Kenyatta family and robber barons and it's a crying shame that they do not see themselves as such. Mimi nasema endeleni kubebwa malenge. 

The rest of Kenyans have unfortunately fallen for the deceptions so that they will go around seeing how conniving and bad the Kumirans are which is not true at all. 

Kenya needs a revolution. Our enemies are also those calling us barbarians even as they support their puppets. That enemy is the one that summoned the two dynastic Princes to Washington DC just because of a mere handshake. 

It's very painful to see how baronial politics, blind sycophancy and hero worshipping have taken shape in our society. The fanatics don't see it at all.  Uhuru isn't looking for Kikuyu votes for the good of Wanjiku. Uhuru is after making peace with the family with whom his family has had a long-standing feud with. THAT's what BBI is all about. Settling scores.

Mt. Kenya people, don't be shocked to hear this might be a good time for oathing.


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