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Where the Hell is Moses Kuria?

It seems Moses Kuria, the man of many portfolios, embarked on a whirlwind adventure through the halls of government, only to find himself in a comedic conundrum. Starting off strong as the Cabinet Secretary for Investments, Trade, and Industry, he was the talk of the town. But alas, fate had other plans. In a twist fit for a sitcom, Kuria found himself shuffled over to the Public Service portfolio faster than you can say "bureaucratic shuffle". Then, the plot thickened! In a classic case of diplomatic drama, the US Trade Representative, Katherine Tai, decided to give Kuria a cold shoulder after cancelling not one, but two meetings with him. The reason? His "foul mouth". Oh, the irony! It seems even the most seasoned politicians can't escape the wrath of a sharp tongue. Since then, Kuria has seemingly vanished into thin air, keeping a low profile that would make even Bigfoot jealous. Rumour has it he's taken up residence in a cozy cave somewhere, pondering th
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Einstein's theory of Relativity explained...

It turns out that there's a scientific and logical explanation for why people (mostly men) spend so much time in pubs and only get home in the early hours of the morning. The reason for this odd behavior is based on Einstein's famous Relativity Theory. It works like this:

It is a well known fact that the more you drink, the faster you move.

After about 8 beers (or 4 double brandies & coke, etc), you're moving at close to the speed of light, and this is where Einstein enters the picture. According to his Relativity Theory, any body moving at, or close to the speed of light, undergoes Time Dilation, i.e. time for you in the pub passes slower than for an observer outside the pub.

Complicated calculations have shown that the pub becomes a type of time machine: For every half hour spent inside the pub, something like two hours pass outside the pub. A typical situation is: "OK guys, it's 8 O'clock, I'm gonna surprise the family and get home early!" However, the moment this person steps outside the pub, the time travel effect is negated by negative radiation from the environment, and he/she then goes: "Why is it so quiet? OMG! It's half past one! WHAT HAPPENED!?

And the answer, of course, is Time Dilation.

I've tried to explain this to outside observers, but so far nobody (except fellow time travelers) have been able or willing to understand the sound scientific basis of this phenomenon. Please let this be known to fellow time travellers - maybe we can prove this theory by sheer overwhelming force of numbers!
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