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| The Eagle has landed. In Uganda. |
So apparently Greg Metcalf will
not after all live to see the relinquishment by Moringa Ogilvy, otherwise known
as The Brand House, as the sole and authorised agency of Nile Breweries Limited.
I formerly postulated that there exists (existed?) an enduring dogfight
at the brewery pitting on the one hand advocates of the ‘one agency’ policy—including,
but not limited to, the peculiar decision to hire a solitary entity to administer
the advertising aspirations of all Nile Breweries brands or the sophistry and
insipidity issuing therefrom—and on the other their sturdy adversaries intensely
keen on marshalling these assorted brands to several different agencies. It is
instructive to note that while Sales Director, Greg did meet reasonable resistance
at NBL in particular, but also from the agency, because he espoused the minority
opinion of this latter grouping. Fast-forward a couple of years and he materialised
as Managing Director of Nile Breweries and hot on his heels the rumour that NBL
was finally going to pitch; it suddenly appeared that he might at last have his
way. Fast-forward yet again a couple of years and Greg Metcalf has mysteriously
resigned. “What the actual fuck??” I hear you muse in concert. Well, as Mike
Tyson famously observed, everyone has a plan until they are punched in the
mouth.
It started going tits-up six months
ago when the news broke that
SABMiller Plc, the number two brewer in the world, of which Nile Breweries is a
subsidiary, had been obtained by Anheuser-Busch InBev NV, the world’s largest
brewery, for the tidy sum of $103 billion—a deal that will henceforth account
for one in every three beers sold worldwide originating from AB InBev. No
sooner had their feet hit the ground than the new kids on the block ordered an
internal audit at NBL which, according to some press reports, unearthed gross putrefaction
in senior management. And because misery loves company, we are now also hearing
belated but incredibly loud whispers concerning a gobsmacking 2.54 million litres of Club (their
best-selling beer by far for the last decade) equalling two weeks’ worth of
countrywide supply and valued at an eye-watering UGX. 16 billion, bizarrely going
to shit on account of poisoning—presumably by design—and thereby upshooting an
historic loss. Now this ludicrous episode veering wildly between the extremes
of comedy and tragedy while altogether seeming like another blog post
compulsively writing itself comes to unpropitious termination with the MD being
sent behind the sun and sequentially cascading what has been described as “the
massive resignation of senior managers at the top brewery” [sic].
The corollaries are
straightforward.
- The mandarins and bean counters at AB InBev
evidently intend to hit the ground running and have betrayed a proclivity for scorching
the earth while doing so. They have made it plain that they are no respecters
of persons and have absolutely zero regard for sacred cows. But the beer
industry in Uganda is a peculiar animal, a tough nut to crack; just ask the
folks over at Uganda Breweries. Nile Breweries have over the years streamlined
their domination of the market into an art form, completely running rings
around Uganda Breweries, leaving them desperately clueless on their ascendance
to 60% market share and, at 2.45 hectolitres, are hands-down the number one
provider of locally produced beer. But all this hard work has been mostly due
to the managers we’re currently seeing being kicked to the kerb and the
strategies and networks they have invested in over time. So, what happens to
all this cumulative experience and knowledge? Will it be tapped by the
competition? Knowing AB InBev’s modus
operandi, they have a plan to overhaul the system and supplanting their trusted
lieutenants as evidenced by the fact that only one SABMiller executive was
retained on the new company’s senior leadership team after the takeover. How
well do they understand this market that has proven difficult for even old
hands like Uganda Breweries? With whom are they intending to replace the power
vacuum at Nile Breweries?
- As for the
advertising fortunes of the industry, good things might just be on the offing
as AB InBev has just kicked off a global media agency review with a view to “consolidate the
business with potentially as few as one or to agencies”, a bold approach likely
to influence a general agency overhaul altogether. How will this affect Africa,
and Uganda in particular? SABMiller has a long association with Ogilvy but
lately there have been shake-ups at Ogilvy CT and Ogilvy Jo’burg, and some of
the people hitherto handling the SABMiller account have been shuffled about or
terminated. Agency selection and media planning had been previously managed
locally or regionally and the incumbent on the American business is WPP’s
MediaCom. But a shift to consolidate might see local agencies clamouring for
international affiliations as we wait to see who clinches this huge business. I
also see a situation where local agencies will start merging or selling out in
an attempt to build capacity for the future. Considering what local agencies
have been enduring lately, that would be a much welcome development. We are
bound to end up with just a handful of monolithic agencies in the sector, which
must come as an unfortunate turn of phrase on my part because many of my
readers suggest that I’m against the Big Agency model. Far from it; my peeve arises
from the way Ugandan agencies are being managed and run.
In all this, that gem of wisdom from Mark
Knopfler rings acutely poignant:
There’s so many different worlds
So many different suns
And we have just one world
But we live in different ones
Annexe
I am reliably informed that the
place to have been on Friday the 31st of March 2017 was
MetropolitanRepublic Uganda, Block A, 2nd Floor, Plot 1-4 Nyonyi
Gardens, Kololo, Kampala [sic]. This is because it was ostensibly going down massively
at that once esteemed agency. It’s on record that ‘MetroPolitics’ is precariously
on the precipice, particularly since they shockingly lost the MTN account, and
are altogether contemplating exiting the market. And now, add insult to injury
and it’s emerging that they were grappling with Bloody Friday as an astonishing
16 staff members were being put to pasture on that day, including the CD (oba ACD??), fresh from clinching the
Stanbic account. It would seem that Ugandan agencies have a lasting romance
with Fridays: Fideli pulled it off seamlessly a
couple of months ago, then Moringa and now Metro.
Now, I’m going to be a tad cheeky
and sprinkle a trifling of intrigue into the whole affair: it transpires that I
actually have TWO sources for this story, diametrically opposed in their
rendering of the proceedings. My second source adamantly and completely disconfirms
the above, only corroborating that Metro is indeed laying off people—the exact
number is unknown—and that there does exist a list of casualties-to-be, but the
names on it are anyone’s guess. (Also off the gravy train going forward will be
the agency van, I’m told). As these things tend to go, time, beyond healing all
wounds, also holds the answers. So we wait to see what this week has in store
for MetroPolitics.
The unasked question then on every single
mouth in the industry is the one I will now pose: where are all these people
going to end up, what with every other agency dropping staff every other week like hot potatoes? Tussaba gavumenti etuyambe!
******
I’m often amused and in no small
way utterly bemused when I encounter individuals (some allegedly seasoned
drinkers) who cannot, for the love of beer, differentiate between Nile
Breweries and Uganda Breweries, and find it rather heavy going to tell the
products apart. “It’s easy for you because you work in the industry and write
beer ads,” is always the refrain when I lay on them my well-practiced stern
look. Granted, I have written some of the more memorable beer ads in East
Africa:
Pilsner,
Pilsner Ice,
Nile Special and
Club; but I still cannot wrap my head around someone taking a
Castle Lite, all the while assuming that it comes from Uganda Breweries. This
almost always leaves one flustered and out of sorts. So in the interest of
World Peace and goodwill towards men (and women), I will illustrate, in graphical
terms, the
real difference between
our two great breweries. And if ever you chance to find me with a Bell in hand,
then things will have come to a pretty pass.
 |
| Nile Breweries beers |
 |
| Uganda Breweries beers |
******
For reasons inexplicable, the lyrics
to that eternal ode to derelict love forever lost, It Doesn’t Matter Anymore by
Eva Cassidy (#RIP), constantly weave
up and down and in and out of my mind like a tapestry. (Contrary to popular
belief and for all intents and purposes, let it be henceforth and hereby known
by and to all and sundry that I am a hopeless romantic.) Maybe it is due to the
quaint disposition of this post, or perhaps it’s because I’ve been listening to
the song on loop for the better part of the last half hour. Whichever the case,
it seems like a good way to end an unusual blog post:
There you go, baby
Here am I where you
Left me so I could sit and cry
Golly, gee, what have you done to me?
But I guess it doesn’t matter anymore.
Do you remember, baby
Last September how you
Held me tight each and every night?
Oh, baby, how you drove me crazy!
Well, I guess it doesn’t matter anymore.
There ain’t no use in me cryin’
‘Cause I’ve done everything
And now I’m sick of tryin’
I’ve thrown away my nights
Wasted all my days over you...
Now you go your way, baby
And I’ll go mine
Now and forever till the end of time
I’ve found somebody new, baby
We’ll say we’re through
You won’t matter anymore.
One of these days I will be able
to play this song if it kills me.
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