Skip to main content

Featured

Where the Hell is Moses Kuria?

It seems Moses Kuria, the man of many portfolios, embarked on a whirlwind adventure through the halls of government, only to find himself in a comedic conundrum. Starting off strong as the Cabinet Secretary for Investments, Trade, and Industry, he was the talk of the town. But alas, fate had other plans. In a twist fit for a sitcom, Kuria found himself shuffled over to the Public Service portfolio faster than you can say "bureaucratic shuffle". Then, the plot thickened! In a classic case of diplomatic drama, the US Trade Representative, Katherine Tai, decided to give Kuria a cold shoulder after cancelling not one, but two meetings with him. The reason? His "foul mouth". Oh, the irony! It seems even the most seasoned politicians can't escape the wrath of a sharp tongue. Since then, Kuria has seemingly vanished into thin air, keeping a low profile that would make even Bigfoot jealous. Rumour has it he's taken up residence in a cozy cave somewhere, pondering th

Blast from the past...

Cartoon ©www.kwamenyongo.com





















Way back in 2005 (read Referendum), a lot of people thought beating their gums would win the show. Now, unfortunately, they wish they hadn't. Here are some gems from the run up to the 2005 Constitutional Referendum. Enjoy!

"Physically resist encroachment by the Orange team into Nyandarua."
-Hon. Thirikwa Kamau, Immediate Former MP for Ndaragwa, 10th October 2005 at Njambini Grounds

"Squatters should continue occupying the late JM Kariuki’s land." [this notwithstanding a court order to vacate]
-Hon Amos Kimuya, Min for Lands & Housing, and MP for Kipipiri, on 24th October 2005 at Ol Kalou.

“Wakisimamisha pension ya Moi, then Wakalenjin na Wakamba watavamia State House."
-Hon Daudi Mwanzia, MP for Machakos Town, 15th October 2005 at Iten Stadium.

"Chase away commissioner Mutaha Kangu once he lands in Subukia for civic education."
-Hon Koigi wa Wamwere, MP for Subukia on 28th October 2005 at Kabazi.

“Raila the monster should be hit on the head and killed so as not to destabilize the Kibaki government."
-William Wambugu, Councillor, Mukaru Ward on 6th November 2005 in Tetu.

“No one knows whether Uhuru ever got circumcised since he studied abroad. But I want to tell you that since he will come to lie to you here, we should all position ourselves strategically in the various exit points. Then we strip him naked and establish whether he is circumcised."
-James Gathaka, Former Mayor of Nyeri, 6th November in Tetu.

“If we pass this Constitution, the Orange Team should not step in Meru unless they remove their flags.”
-Hon Peter Munya, MP for Tigania East, 7th November in Tigania.

“People should prepare for war if NO wins.”
-Hon Mwangi Kiunjuri, MP for Laikipia East on 28th October 2005 at Kabazi.

“Do not to allow any group of Orange campaigners to address [you] since [you have] pledged [your] allegiance to vote yes.”
-Hon Petkay Miriti, Assistant Minister for Industry, 15th October 2005, Chuka Town.

“Wale hawajatahiri peleka jandoni."
-Hon Simeon Nyachae, Minister for Energy & MP for Nyaribari Chache, 15th October 2005 in Ndumberi.

[Kalonzo is lost, Kambas do not walk with uncircumcised men] “gutie mwikamba uthisaga na ivisi.”
-Hon Njeru Ndwiga, Minister for Cooperatives & MP for Manyatta, 8th October 2005, Maua Stadium.

“They hate us because we are hard working. Luos just go fishing and fish is free, and then ask the government for relief maize to make ugali."
-Hon Alfred Nderitu, MP for Mwea, 5th November 2005 at Kerugoya

“Debate about the constitution stopped long ago when Raila and his group started scheming on how to usurp power from our tribe. Now the big question is, are you surrendering power to Raila or not? You have to turn out in large numbers on November 21st or else this Luo takes over power from us. We are three million while the Luos are only seven hundred thousand.”
-Hon Muhika Mutahi, immediate Former MP for Mukurweini, 6th November in Tetu.

“Delamere kills Africans like dogs, the new constitution will teach him and the settlers a lesson since their land will revert to the government.”
-Hon P.G. Mureithi, MP for Nyeri Town, 6th November in Tetu.

“The way I was born holding a microphone is the way Raila was born holding a stone with his people, fighting all the time.”
-Hon Kalembe Ndile, MP for Kibwezi, 5th November 2005 in Nunguni Market.

“Should the draft constitution pass, Parliament should add a section that demands every man of age to get circumcised. A campaign on circumcision should be launched by the government.”
-Hon James Njiru, Former MP , 5th November at Kerugoya.

“That Asian who was brought here called Prof Yash Pal Ghai went to Sri lanka and wrote a Constitution like the one he brought to Bomas. Immediately he left, people in Sri lanka were already slaughtering each other even worse than the Tutsis. We kikuyus are many, we are found all over including Mombasa, Kisumu, isiolo. We should then turn out in large numbers to vote so that we are not defeated.”
-Hon Mutahi Kagwe, MP for Mukurweini, 6th November 2005

“The drivers of the No campaign are all disabled fellows and this mugithii imeisha brakes.”
-Hon Njeru Ndwiga, Minister for Cooperatives, MP for Manyatta, 17th October 2005 in Runyenjes

“Mombasa nzima watu wote ni masquota kwa sababu ya Waarabu kutoka Zanzibar.”
-Hon Kalembe Ndile, MP for Kibwezi, 4th November 2005 in Makindu.

“Wengi wenu mumesoma hii report ya constituency levels of poverty Kenya yote. Ukienda mahali kama Nyanza province, huko watu hawafanyi kazi wanangojea watu wa Central wafanye kazi, kazi yao ni kungojea.”
-Hon Elias Mbau, MP for Maragua, 5th November 2005 in Muranga.

“Hii samaki people hawatosheki.”
-Hon Paul Muite, MP for Kabete, 10th October in Naivasha.

Comments

Popular Posts