Enter Stanley "Mr Money Bags" Livondo...

Why does Stanley Livondo think Kenyans are a stupid lot? Just recently he was on TV trying to convince seasoned journalists that his bodyguard once upon a time managed to stop a bullet with his bare hands; apparently, the government-provided bodyguard was also able to see the bullet approaching and, just like in the main scene of a sci-fi thriller, intercepted it.

He further went on to say (to what point, we wonder) that he first saw a television when he was in Form 1, and that he was in eight different schools in primary. Upon hearing him speak, however, he confirmed my doubts as to whether he has ever seen the inside of a classroom. Kenyans have attempted to figure out where this mysterious "Mr Money Bags" emerged from, but so far, no one has managed to pin even a single business to his name. And the reason they cannot find any business registered under his name, I can now reliably reveal, is simply because Livondo has no business; he is being funded by the government of Kenya, by way of our taxes, to "rain" money on and mesmerize the poor.

Livondo has competently managed, beyond any doubt, to corroborate his ignorance everytime he has opened his mouth. He now reckons Lang'ata will be stiff competition because it will be, in his own words, "Hummer for Hummer, Chopper for Chopper". He even went as far as getting hitched to an unsuspecting lass by the name of Ida, so that it can be "Ida for Ida" as well. With such reasoning, there is absolutely no reason why Raila should be worried; Lang'ata is in the bag. Central Kenyan voters have been seen being ferried to register in Kibera so that Livondo can at least get a some votes because sooner or later, he will have to justify what he did with the millions he was charged with. Apart from buying a Hummer, of course.