Martha, Martha, wherefore art thou, Martha?

Gone are the days of laid back tea sipping and blatant flesh exposure, albeit with scarred knees. We can now authoritatively tell you that Martha Karua, formerly Martha Njoka, is a pale shadow of her former self. What happened to this proud beacon of defiance, patron saint of the arrogant, goddess of the impervious? She who no man could ever pin down, and left many in her wake? And pray tell, what prompted her hasty retreat from our television sets, where she had become "the unwelcome guest at every meal, the silent listener to every conversation"?

Well, it had to take a lady to lay her low. Martha Karua was put in her place by the gracious lady of the South, in a good and proper dressing down reminiscent of a wayward school girl's encounter with the Head Girl. Quoth Graça Machel: "Listen to me young lady. You have not seen life. I fought as a guerilla and I have been married to two heads of state. Please don't be a nuisance and understand that we need a political solution not a legal one. We have the goodwill of the Kenyan people and the international community; if we can't make progress with you we might have to kick you out and the process will continue without you!"

At which point the iron lady from Kirinyaga quickly thawed out and shrivelled out of our lives, leaving Orengo and Ruto to share broad grins. An attempt to save face by talking tough—her long-trusted tactic that has left many men at her feet—bit the dust when she got another toungue lashing from the international community. Even the lukewarm Soita Shitanda, he of the New Ford Kenya fame, has said he won't be party to people who want to derail the talks... as if his opinion mattered any more.

Now if only Graça could be allowed into State House, she could solve our other problem!