God is Dead: The Complete Disintegration of William Ruto and His Star-Crossed Kenya Kwanza Regime...in Real Time and in Super Slo-Mo!

Arrogance, they say, precedes that thing.

When William Ruto made this curious statement back in February 2023, I predicted that the beginning of a spectacular downfall had begun.

Museveni's Influence and Ruto's Ambitions

But not even your trusted soothsayer could have foreseen the gravity of William Ruto's arrogance-induced fall from grace. Fast-forward two years and four months, and the dramatic unravelling of Dr William Ruto,PhD, is complete. This is edge-of-the-seat stuff.

It began, inevitably, with Yoweri Museveni's patronage. Peep the yellow party colours, the proclivity for dictatorial tendencies, the singular penchant for pocketing taxpayer funds, all the way down to the born-again prayer warrior wife—all plagiarised with Sevo's blessings.

In fact Ruto spent a large chunk of his deputy presidency in Kampala sitting at the feet of his sensei. Considering Museveni's open ambition to be 'king of East Africa', he had finally found the long-elusive foothold in Kenya and a protege to catalyse this foray. Since then, the Musevenis have been the Rutos' chief advisors on matters both spiritual and worldly.

'Satan's Bill' and Political Manoeuvring

Which is how it came to pass that William Ruto presumed that he could force the Finance Bill 2024, aka 'Satan's bill', down Kenyans' throats and they would just swallow. After all, Ugandans do it all the time.

Borrowing from Museveni's handbook of dictatorship, first edition: why bother at all to listen to the hoi polloi? You're in State House, they are not. Plus you have a dedicated wife for a prayer warrior to intervene with the almighty should anything come off the rails, right? If god is for us, who can be against us? A death trap?

Unconstitutional Actions and Public Backlash

But Ruto's emulation of Museveni did not stop there. He unconstitutionally raised his family members to unconstitutional offices and extra-constitutionally threw billions in taxpayer money at them to do with as they pleased. Why follow the Construction when you're king? Museveni has gotten away with it for almost 40 years now. But, as any Gen Z will tell you, Kenya is not Uganda. Let's start with the generation now on everyone's tongue. This is what one Ugandan told me. Is his assessment accurate?

"The Kenyan Gen Z are not too different from the Ugandan Gen Z, it turns out. But there are some nuanced differences in the two groups. Using work as a yardstick..."

"Kenyan Gen Z consider work as the only means of survival since food is scarce or expensive, whereas Uganda's Gen Z see work as a stepping stone to a better life beyond food."

"Actually, the Kenyan population, over time, has stood out more knowledgeable on their rights and entitlements, and that is why they are more advanced on issues of human rights, regardless of the age bracket."

"The case is different for Uganda as demanding for one's rights is considered a form of indiscipline, pride, a lack of appreciation for what the government provides. No wonder over Ugx 1 trillion of public funds are stolen in corruption and limited efforts are done to recover the funds or bring the culprits to book."

Be that as it may, the spark lit in Kenya is beginning to ignite in Uganda, and indeed the entire East Africa. Advantage: Gen Z.

The Finance Bill Kerfuffle

Back to William Ruto's Finance Bill 2024. Having placed all his ducks in a row, Ruto was now determined, by force, by fire, to pass Satan's bill. The pressure from the global elite, at once his new masters and newfound best friends, was bearing. Ruto had already sold off Kenya and the devil was now demanding his due. And by God, he should have it.

Completely disregarding on-ground intelligence regarding the public mood against his bill—or, as we now know by agency of Deputy President Rigathi Gachagua, there was no intelligence to speak of—Ruto bypassed all Constitutional provisions and did everything in his power to pass the finance bill, including bribing his spineless jUDAs legislators at a paltry KSh 2 million each, a sum they were all too eager to sell their souls for. No sooner than, the cracks of regret began to show. How do we know this? Signs of pressure and regret started manifesting in jUDAs MPs like Kuria Kimani and John Kiarie.

Gen Z Protests and Ruto's Response

But still, the show had to go on. The circus was already in town, and the non-refundable tickets were sold out.

And so the Gen Zs, scorned by Ruto factotums and disdainfully mocked as "posh protesters" who arrive for picketing in Ubers, Java coffee cups in one hand, sandwiches in the other, all the while iPhones tucked away in back pockets with reminders set for lunch breaks at KFC for kuku na minofu," elected to bear the weight of an entire nation on their youthful shoulders and free Kenya from Ruto's tyranny and corruption. And William Ruto was ready for these "cool kids." (Ruto's chief economic advisor, himself caught hand-in-iookie-jar not too long ago, went into labour describing them, leaving no ambiguous gray areas: "Irony of these cool kids protesting Finance Bill they are clueless about is many are children of the plunderers who’ve bankrupted the State, the tenderpreneurs, the #KenyattaCronyCapitalismStateCapture and corruption cartels I’ve been battling since before they were born," David Ndii vented in an ill-advised post.)

Borrowing heavily from Yoweri Museveni's handbook for violently suppressing dissent, Ruto responded with an overly heavy hand. Kenya Police opened fire on peaceful protesters. Several young Kenyans found their lives prematurely dimmed as live rounds were dispatched indiscriminately. And thus concluded week one of #RejectFinanceBill2024 protests. Advantage: William Ruto.

Escalation: Violence and Political Fallout

Week two saw renewed determination from both parties: Ruto, rounding the corner of his legislative ambitions, having successfully passed the first hurdle, the first reading, victory now within sight; Gen Zs entered week two with a revamped hashtag, #7DaysOfRage, the culminating event dubbed #OccupyStateHouse on the penultimate day. Fight!

On Tuesday 25th of June 2024, history was made in Kenya when protesters, for the first time in history, breached parliament buildings during the 1 million people march dubbed #OccupyParliament. Treacherous MPs scampered for safety as protesters came for their necks. Advantage: Gen Z.

Ruto's Authoritarian Response

For a man once charged at the ICC for burning Kikuyus in a church, William Ruto's response was predictable.

His under-equipped police force, having run out of teargas and water canons achieving premature dehydration, a direct result of underfunding, Ruto ordered them to open fire on peaceful protesters.

He also placed snipers on rooftops to deal finally and fatally with the "cool kids". In the end, dead bodies lay on the streets of Nairobi like discarded refuse. How many times can one man be tried at the ICC for the same crime in one lifetime

Advantage: Ruto.

That evening, William Ruto, borrowing again from Museveni's handbook of unconstitutionalities, ordered the Kenya Defence Forces out of the barracks and onto the streets. In 30 minutes flat, Kenya Army had deployed in the city.

Deploying a well-heeled Museveni tactic of his own, William Ruto them ordered telco giant Safaricom to shut down internet. And then the massacre began.

Withdrawal and Public Backlash

As helpless Ruto voters were being slaughtered in Githurai, the man of the hour sauntered onto TV screens, angry as a hippo with a hernia, to threaten protesters, whom he was now calling "criminals" and "treasonous."

"I am going to jail all of you!" he bellowed his parting shot as walked away from our screens, seething like a pot of Chai Gold tea from Kericho, forgotten on the stove. I think he also mentioned something about hanging, but I can't be sure; by then I was in full guffaw, á la Hynie the Laughing Hyena, to pay any meaningful attention to the impromptu comedy sketch playing out, custom designed for an audience of 54 million. And still, the extermination of William Ruto's voters in Githurai persisted into the wee hours of the night. By morning, no fewer than 22 bodies from that massacre were logged at Nairobi City Mortuary.

Wednesday morning brought a smogarsbord of surprises. First, Ruto's John Wayne stance from the night before had completely sublimed. Instead, we saw, in yet another hurriedly assembled press conference, a president who was now ready to "talk." What had transpired overnight?

But that was hardly the big reveal. Carefully tiptoeing around the issue of the deaths ocassioning from his Museveni inclinations the previous day, William Ruto announced that he was withdrawing his bill from Satan in its entirety.

Apparently, his now reconstituted conscience was not "ready to sign into law a piece of legislation that had caused much anger and bloodshed."

He made this about-face amidst wild clapping and cheering from a troop of sycophantic yellow baboons (Papio cynocephalus) seated directly behind him who, less than 36 hours erstwhile, had, against a tide of intense national sentiment, passed the very same bill in a shortly-to-be-occupied parliament, before scampering for their lives, KSh 2 million richer. Advantage: Gen Z.

Rigathi Gachagua's Rainbow Surprise

And as if on cue, Deputy President Rigathi Gachagua had a presser of his own (far away in the safety of his official residence in Mombasa where he was hiding as the capital city burnt), in which he completely exposed the underbelly of the Ruto regime.

Current Situation and Future Prospects

And that's where we find ourselves today, Thursday the 27th of June, the last day of the #7DaysOfRage.

Today's agenda is singlemindedly modest: #OccupyStateHouse.

It has been made amply clear to William Ruto that his Finance Bill 2024 is no longer the issue. The people want him out of our house on the hill.

A 10 million people march has been organised to this end. Evacuation is salvation. Will William Ruto's legendary nine lives come to his rescue once more? I guess we shall know by this evening.

"Those who believe in God won," announced a gleeful William Ruto in February 2023. Has God now abandoned his only begotten son from Africa? It's speculative that perhaps God chose William Ruto to humble the fuck out of him ("Let my people go!").

Or maybe God does not exist at all, and the hubris Ruto displayed in Seoul was just a product of a fertile and overactive imagination. But it can't be both.